She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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