just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
