I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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