Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
