Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
