lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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