Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
