He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
