in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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