3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
