Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
