I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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