Cold hands, warm shart.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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