this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
