you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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