I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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