Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
