i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
