you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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