I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
