I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
