This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
