Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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