He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
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The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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