I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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