chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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