i just made my gag reflex go away.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
