remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
