please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So much rum. So many feels.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
