it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I need to sanitize my soul.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
