I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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