that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
