turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
