dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
