she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
