just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
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i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
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Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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