just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
