When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
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I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize