After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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