I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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