if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
this hospital has no fireball
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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