My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
