when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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