Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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