we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
