My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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