I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize