dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize