I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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