he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
