I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
