Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
