morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
honey bunches of taint.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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