Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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