Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
