Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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