i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
