tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
