I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
