her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
