I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
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You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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