i really wish james franco would like my vagina
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
