he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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