Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you win again, gameday.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
