Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
